When I was in the jungle, I was dancing with the energy of surrender vs. giving up. Over the winter, I’d been feeling like I’d given up on many things - sustainable fulfilling work, motivation for creating my home, a stable supportive partnership, nourishing community, and even my physical appearance. Giving these things up, which were so tenderly held in my heart, was cutting off my life force. I had been working so hard it seemed, and deep down I was very tired. Giving up was giving into hopelessness, that nothing I did mattered.
The feeling of surrender is different. With surrender, there is a letting go - of letting go of the attachments to the way I expect life to work out. Surrender still honors the things in my heart and soul, yet dropping into complete trust in the intelligent flow of life to unfold for my highest evolution. Surrender is a place to rest deeply, to accept fully the present experience. Holding in surrender, inspiration and clarity still streams through. Here I feel the call to step back into the stream with my words, thoughts, actions and energy.
Many of us have been moving through so many emotions about what is happening. On all levels - personally, collectively, globally. Surrendering into the changes has not been an easy journey. But it’s not a time to give up our path, yet a time to refine, get clear on our truth of where we are. We drop into trust of the greater intelligence and our ability to move through life with it.
In the midst of a rapidly shifting world, we all have our work to do. Some of us are deep in our inner work, cleaning out the crevasses of our consciousness, uprooting old fears, seeing places where are are living in limited capacity, and gaining clarity on what’s truly important. We are stripping away what’s not necessary for our evolution individually and collectively. Some of us are feeling called in new ways, offering a helping hand to a neighbor, reaching out to estranged family members, supporting those who are financially stressed, and stepping into new alignment as leaders. The beauty of the crisis moving through, is we get to step into the truth of who we are.
We need all of us here, now, contributing in our unique ways to this evolution. Everything, no matter how seemingly small or large, is part of the grand puzzle. The most important path is following what you know is true in your heart - for your well-being, the well-being of your loved ones, humanity and the Earth.
We are going through an initiation, an up-leveling of consciousness. We are being guided to open to new realities, discover deep truths, release old emotions, and move in the direction of our hearts and purpose. It’s precious, intimate work and takes courage to see into places that have been long hidden.
I’m offering private sessions to those who are transitioning into new thresholds. While I normally work more long-term with clients, I’m now offering single sessions by donation. I’m feeling one session of support for some can make the world of difference.
We work with the mind-body-spirit, guiding the transformation of consciousness to make room for what truly wants and needs to be here. We work in the energy field, and come up with practical day-to-day practices to keep you flowing and connected to higher consciousness.
If this resonates, please send me an email or DM. Sessions are by Zoom or phone, and generally take 60-75 minutes. Suggested donation is $75-125, but I will honor and support those who feel they could really use this and pay what they can. I believe in your path, however it unfolds in this time. Trust the process. Sending many blessings for our evolution as a planet.
My heart followed the call back to the jungle. It couldn’t not follow it to a place where I feel safe and free to explore deep corners and temples of consciousness, to open to Mother Earth for her healing, and to call my soul home to this present moment. I was held in every way possible, nourished and rejuvenated with the plants, the animals, the jungle and dear friends. I return with clarity, purpose, direction, compassion, strength, softness and wonder. My heart is full.
With our reality in crisis now, it was a pure gift of the divine, to travel safely, be protected for this deep work. Now more than ever, going within, turning off the media, discovering our own truths, not getting caught in the stories, is vital for our well-being and the well-being of humanity and the Earth. When we know the truth in our hearts, the answers appear. It may not be what we want them to be, but our lives are meant for greater purpose. Reverence, respect and devotion to the divine intelligence, we surrender into perfect unfolding. We listen, we choose, and we go on our soul’s path home.
Fear is contagious. Having been back in the US for less than 48 hours, I’m shocked at how intense the fear and panic is running through the collective. The grocery stores are packed and the shelves are barren. Today people were congregating in the corner of the pharmacy talking about all their fears around what’s happening. As an empath, I feel it deeply - which has been for me physically feeling headaches, nausea, lightheadedness and dizziness. It’s taken me some work to get stabilized in my body, clearing out the fear and grounding in my own being again.
All fear is an emotion. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the undetermined future. Fear of death. Fear of the death of loved ones. Fear of survival. The energy of fear is heavy, dense, constricting and easily passed /resonated from one person to another. While we can get caught in the cycle of fear, we can also take a step back and recognize it’s not real. It’s an emotion. We can choose not to give our power away to endless cycles of fear, which clouds our thinking and ability to act. I know some of us are caught in trauma responses, and getting out of the fear is not possible without support. Please, reach out for support. Now is the time to see what’s at the core.
The best thing we can all do right now is to cultivate our own spiritual and energetic practices. These can be for grounding, getting out of the head, clearing and moving energy, and connecting to higher consciousness. Go on a walk. Sit in nature. Meditate. Pray. Play music. Dance. Cook nourishing food. Take a bath. Do yoga. Make art. Talk to people who are supportive (not caught in the cycle of fear). Get support from a counselor/ healer /mentor /trusted friend. Take a break from the media. Use this time in relative isolation for deepening into who you are.
Keeping your energy clean is NOT about being in denial. You will better be able to handle what ever happens if you are not caught in an emotion of fear. Those who are grounded and clear are holding the space for the frantic energy. I thank the grocery store clerk today who was surprisingly in good spirits, patient and in service. And just like fear, being grounded and clear is also contagious. Let’s spread more of that please.
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At the heart of my life and work.
We humans are not separate, and the infinite interconnectedness is everything. We are in deep relationship with Mother Earth whether we are aware of it or not.
I left my work as an environmental engineer for many reasons. At the core, the frustration and struggle to move forward with decisions based on this truth was a lot to bear day in and day out. Our society lives in separation, believing we can control, force, regulate, or add more structure to our environment or to our actions. I knew something profound was and continues to be missing. People are living in disconnection not only with the Earth, but with themselves - one and the same. What is being asked for, is a reconnection, a remembrance, a reverence for the interconnectedness, the oneness, the divine, and the love that permeates and is everything. Our hearts know this truth, but we have to uncover all the ways we’ve forgotten.
I don’t know how it will all play out - how once we on a collective level rediscover our hearts and how our relationship with the Earth will transform. I only know it is happening already. One by one, we are all feeling the call to remember. As we rediscover what’s been missing, we can no longer go back to the world as it was.
The resurgence of plant medicines and psychedelics seems to point many to this call to remember, to see through the conditioned reality we humans live in. My prayer and hope is that the call will be respected and honored, and people will safely uncover their truth. It’s not a path for the faint of heart. So let’s please support each other in our remembering - in our grief, our sadness, and our love - in our shattering of realities, our crumbling lives, and our new visions. Let’s hold everyone and everything as teachers, as we all have a part to play in this evolution.
My own journey now calls me back to the jungle. It’s not something I can explain, yet when the plants call, I listen. I know they have something for me, some remembrance of myself, my being, my healing - which synchronously heals the Earth. I choose this path, as it unfolds before me, praying with each step that my part in the evolution is contributing to something much much bigger.
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Some of which are common for beginners, as they are learning how the healing with plant medicines work. Some of which are unfortunately more traumatizing than healing, often due to how the experience was held, facilitated, orchestrated, etc.
I’d just been writing on this topic, and a few good blog posts came across my feed. In one, the writer, a facilitator herself and an outspoken voice on the medicine, says “This is serious business.” (Recommend to read https://www.afterlife.coach/after-life-blog/shamans-need-training). And this one as well, where she talks about what can happen when facilitators don't know what they are doing. (https://kahpi.net/ayahuasca-ceremony-facilitator/)
With all the hype, popularity and celebrity status that the ego can get hooked on in the plant medicine world, many facilitators are serving the medicines as “healers” who have not had the proper training. And it’s not just about the training but also the intensely deep shadow work that the person themselves has gone through and continues to go through. I’d venture to say not only on a personal level, but also on a cultural, collective and even universal level.
Any shadow work not addressed by the facilitator that they themselves are carrying will emanate throughout the circle. In some ways, some see it as a “group” healing, yet for many, it can be traumatic and the facilitator is not able, skilled or trained to help those who are deep in the healing process. What I’ve also seen is that the group, or a portion of the group is then doing the shadow work for the facilitator, instead of them taking responsibility for it themselves. This is part of the learning of energy and plant medicine work- learning to work through our own shadows, and learning from the shadow work of other (including the facilitator.) However, there are facilitators who haven’t done much work, or ones who have shadow that may negatively influence your own ability to navigate and heal on a deep level.
I have been fortunate enough, having been in hundreds of ceremonies, that these types of experiences have only happened 5-10% of the time. Some of them, I’ve been able to remove myself from; others I have not. I ended up with the aftermath that has taken years to integrate- yes, years for some and some are still ongoing. While on some level, I was called to be there for my soul’s learning, I had to come to the very hard lesson of taking back my power by choosing not to work with someone who can’t actually hold the space I need to do my deep healing work. Even if everyone else says this is the best “shaman,” circle, spectacular show, etc. In some cases, I was holding the space (along with others) for the facilitator to do their work (or for them to ignore their work). While this happens in circles, as facilitators are humans too, how we choose to give our power away, and what roles and personalities the facilitators choose to play, can perpetuate wounding and the cycles we are intending to break free from in the first place. (More on this later.)
Choosing the path of your healing requires a responsibility. Do your own research, trust your intuition, and find the path that supports your highest evolution. Do not get caught in the appearances of what facilitators may want you to see, the outer performances, or in what everyone else is saying is the "best." It's up to you to decide.
For most of my life, I’ve felt like I've been misunderstood. I’ve been labeled as shy and introverted, yet when I’m with those who I truly resonate with, I can become extroverted and quite expressive. My extreme sensitivity and empathic tendencies have kept me at a further distance from others than I would like. We all desire human connection and understanding, and I have been more cautious. The journey of healing the root causes of this need for protection is intelligent in and of itself. Within my world of sensitivity, I dove deep into creative, imaginative and extraordinary realms, to share very little with others. As a kid, when I would share, or it would come out in an art class, people would be shocked or amazed that I’d been “hiding” that. I’ve confused many boyfriends and dates over the years when they sense both my sensitivity and a strength and they themselves have said they don’t know how to reconcile.
I think we easily get caught into labeling and stereotyping individuals into ways of being that aren’t true to their uniqueness. In my work with clients, we get to dive into parts and pieces that they feel have been misunderstood and they have rarely shown to the outside world. Ironically, these parts of them are also the ones that are offering the most precious gifts. The wounding, the fear, and the anxiety about seeing and uncovering these vulnerable gifts is a lot for someone to do alone. Having someone, a human, be able to see and understand and encourage the emergence of those gifts is invaluable. As we bring our gifts into the world, we feel a fulfillment and satisfaction on a soul level, that we never knew was possible.
I’ve been blessed to have teachers, healers, mentors and friends be able to see the deepest parts of me. People who can be present and curious with me and my uniqueness. Sometimes we need someone else to point out where the vulnerability and the beautiful gifts are, as we can’t see them ourselves. Why I’ve loved working on a very deep level with the plants, is that they too, can help point out these places within us, that are being called into expression in this world.
When we meet our teachers and guides, humans, plants and otherwise, we are incredibly lucky. We get to better see ourselves through their reflections, and step into a deep self-knowing, self-expression and showing up in the world.
Appreciating the ever-continuing journey and wishing all of us to feel welcomed and understood in our beautiful gifts. Our world needs everything we have right now.
𝗕𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗻𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗼𝘄𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗰𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀.
Your consciousness is filled with challenges and gifts that you are being called to uncover.
People are working with plant medicines for many reasons - most often healing and awakening. With this choice comes an increased responsibility. You take on more responsibility for yourself, your evolution, and your healing. It’s up to you to learn how to navigate reality yourself. And to find the support you need to help deepen you into your path. No one and no plant will do it for you. They can be teachers and guides, but ultimately it’s up to you.
Awakening in altered states of consciousness shatters reality as you had previously known it. Full integration is dissolving and surrendering into the unknown, and the re-gathering, or re-forming, of a new reality. Integration of these awakenings does not permit spiritual bypassing. You may need to revisit what’s been shattered to better understand, to heal and to bring that wisdom of letting go into the present moment. Spiritual bypassing- avoiding the pain, the wounds, the uncomfortable and not pretty places - ultimately does not serve. These are valuable imprints living in your consciousness - whether you are aware of them or not and whether you face them or not. They still inform your reality, the way you interact with the world, and how the universe responds to your thoughts, emotions, and actions. In an expanded state of consciousness, you may be able see them more clearly, when the time is right for you to see them. You may also see their purpose, their teachings for you and how you’ve gained invaluable wisdom and strength through them.
Ultimately, you bring back truth and new ways of being. You weave threads of expanded wisdom through multiple dimensions, aspects of consciousness, your psyche, your body and into your life. You interconnect these realities, and you step fully into the present. You do this for the purpose of healing, awakening, and living your true potential and unique purpose.
Becoming a navigator of your own consciousness is choosing a path of never-ending learning. You are often faced with throwing everything you thought you knew out the window…surrendering into the unknown over and over again. An initiation - where once you’ve crossed the threshold, there is no going back.
Awakening Through Ayahuasca + Sacred Plant Medicines
Beginning in February, I am offering a new online course: Awakening through Ayahuasca + Sacred Plant Medicines. This course is intended for those who want to dive deeper into what it means to be awakening with these powerful medicines.
Please see this page for more info!
I look forward to exploring with you!
Protectress of Mother Earth, Energy Healing, Plant Medicine Integration, Coach, Writer